We’re BACK!!!

Hey this is your girl Yoshi and I am back!!!

Life tend to get crazy and I get off track sometime, but I promise to keep writing as often as I can. So I wanted to sorta update you on whats been going on in my life.

Life has been crazy both work and personal.

Work:
I love what I do because I get to work with student-athletes, pro athletes, meet important people in Corporate American and politics, but besides that the job sucks. There are long hours, horrible pay, constant headaches and blames. My mom wants me to get a 9-5 that guarantees benefits and a way to pay my rent each month, but I just can’t do it. I love the hard work, the stress, the travel, and doing what I want to do, which is educate and provide life skills/player development to rising athletes. Still I can’t help but wait to see the day when all in life will be right. When the moon, the sun, and stars will align for the blessing to flow down upon me. Life has been hard, it has been a true struggle. When you go from everything make sense to nothing does, and you start to question your purpose in life, it get ridiculous. Not knowing how you are going to pay the rent does get kinda of tiring. With all that said, my faith has kept me sane and afloat. Instead of draining in my sorrow, I keep a smile on face even though it sometimes hurt to smile so wide. I keep the joy in my heart and continue to have that mustard seed of faith that will day I will get mines. When that day will come, no one knows but GOD, but I hold on. I say all this because, it is so easy to give up on your dreams and passion to settle for money and stability, but at the end will you ever be happy and filled with fulfilling your purpose or just content with what life has given you??? I go for happy!!!

Personal
Still single and so not enjoying it. I’ve been single for a year and I already did the healing from the previous heart-break and learning who you are and what you want from the two relationship before that. So what the hell!!! What else is there to learn. I am not one of the bitter woman, dragging in the bad into a new relationship, still holding on to the hurt, screaming out “I hate you so much right now.” I’m over that, learned to deal, learn, and accept. Realizing the hurt makes you who you are and builds your level of standard of what you will or will not accept, what matters and what doesn’t. I take from my past all the good and leave in my memory the hurt so that I never forget and relive. So once again what is it left for me to learn.

Is it patience? Is it obedience? Is it softness? I just don’t know, but till I figure it out, I will be living “Sexless in the City”

Wait for the book. LOL

How important is sex to a relationship???

I am going to be blunt and straight up!!!

I love sex, I enjoy sex, sex is GOOOOD!!! If I could get it at least twice a day, I think life and all its problem with be irrelevent. With that said, could you remain faithful in a relationship where the sex is boring and unadventurous? Does the personality of a person really make up for what they are lacking between the sheets? Or is it on the person that is dissatisfied in the bedroom to inform the other person and help guide them on how they can help make sex between you two better?

Whats your taughts on this matter? Please be honest…

Dialogue about the “Why you can’t make a black woman happy video”

Earlier today while at work (not actually working) I came across a video on the web. I stopped to watch the video because of the interesting title “Why You Can’t Make A Black Woman Happy [Video].” I must admit that while watching the video, I laughed and chuckled a bit, because majority of the things discussed and said was true in so many, but it posed me to ask a question as well. Please click on the link to view the video and let me know what you think. My thoughts are below as well. Smooches.

Link to video below
Why You Can’t Make A Black Woman Happy-Link

Torn by Yoshi

Here a glimpse into my book. Holla if you are interested in reading the rest.

Prologue

As usual, yours truly Ms. Alexandria Hawkins is stuck in the office working on a stack of paperwork and event plans while the rest of Atlanta gets to enjoy a day in the sun, I mean they don’t call this “Hotlanta” for nothing. If only just once, I wish I could skip the whole work scene, layout on an exotic sandy beach, and just forget my everyday drama called life. But with the life that I live, it will always just merely be a thought I have when I daydream, and a wish that I ask for when I pray at night. Don’t get me wrong, I do love my job. How many young, single, childless, sexy black women do you know that can say that they own their own business, make enough income to live a very high fashion and glamorous life, and get paid to party 3-4 days out of the week? Not many, like I said, life is great, but like they say, with everything good comes something bad.

One of those many bad occurrences is the fact that I don’t have time for myself or love. Just look at me, I’m a 29 year old single, young, gorgeous, athletically built, caramel skinned sister, with a horrible love life. I don’t even think Halle Berry can place next to me, but I’ve been working so hard these past few years getting my company up and running that I haven’t found the time to meet any new people. The guys I do meet are either clients or someone who has no business looking at or even talking to another woman, if you get my drift. It’s nice to have money and be able to afford everything I want, but the cash just can’t keep me warm at night. Believe me the smell of a hundred dollar bill gets me a little hot and bothered, but that image of rolling in a bed full of money does nothing, but leave paper cuts in the morning.

I have been seeing this one particular guy, if you can even call it that. It’s really more of a friend with benefits type of relationship. You know what I’m talking about; the one that only involves sex. I can’t even remember in detail how it even happened; all I remember was that we met each at this little boutique downtown, had a few drinks, and ended up in bed that same night. Now it’s four months later, and he and I are still going at it like little rabbits. The sex is amazing, I mean, I’ve done stuff with him that a few years back I was only reading in books and seeing in the special movies. Let’s not forget that the man is gorgeous. Ladies, he comes in at 6’2”, weighing in at 225 pounds of muscle. He has that nice silky dark skin, and when he puts his arm around you, your body just melts. The best feature of this man are not his lips that are so soft, or the piercing hazelnut brown eyes, but the length of his third leg, if you get what I mean. Oh my God, he is truly a blessed man. Okay, I’m getting off topic, back to the problems of my life.

With my hectic lifestyle, I enjoy what we have, but I’m at that point where I’m ready for more out of life. I want to be in a serious relationship that has an outlook of marriage. It also doesn’t help that my mother is an annoying banshee that is constantly nagging me about my love life and nonexistent grandchildren. With the chaos of my life and career, I need to get my priorities in order, which might mean ending things with my friend with benefits. Here in lies the problem, because I think that I am starting to catch feelings for him, and I don’t know what to do. Do I tell him that I want more from him, and have him reject me or do I just go with the flow and wait it out? If you listen to my best friend Tiffany, then it’s all really simple:
“Just leave him alone, because it’s not actually him that you like, but the dick that you’re in love with.”

I mean, yeah the sex is great between us, but it’s not just that. Lately we’ve been going outside the box, and doing things just a little different in my opinion. The phone calls have gotten more consistent and more in depth. The time spent between us is just as passionate as the first day. I find myself starring into his eyes and thinking about him in between breaks, and it just feels so damn good to be in his arms at night. It’s like we are more than friends just having sex, but less than boyfriend and girlfriend.

I just feel that everything would be so much easier if we both just slept together that one night, and never saw each other again. But obviously since that didn’t happen, I’ve got to figure out what it is that I am going to do and quick. I have a strange feeling that things are just going to get more complicated and chaotic between me and him, and life in general. You know what they say, “A woman’s intuition is never wrong.” So all I’m thinking is:

What should I do?

What would you do?

Love Me? Love Me Not?

Had a crazy weekend and I have been trying these past few days to make since of the situation.

Since I can’t make sense of it on my own, I figure I would just ask to audience to weigh in on, Love Me? Love Me Not?

Here it goes!

You told me you love me before the words could formulate in my mouth. Gave you a way out on several occassion, but you held onto your guns and steadfast. So I began to believe the words as they left your lips and entered into my soul. As time past, I found myself uttering out the same words. Friends of many years paused in their steps, shock by what they too have heard for it was not a characteristic trait of mines to use such foul language in public. My mother taught me better than that, if she was to hear such things, she would wash my mouth out with soap with sorrow. But I take the blame for believing, because not soon after I found out that truth. Your love had find its way to another.

I was hurt by the deceit, shed a tear or two, but after I licked my wound, I took a look over at you. All the things I wanted to do, but I instead I continued to spread my legs for you. Was it because I still loved you, or was I just trying to prove something to myself by screwing you. Was it that you didn’t break me and I could be a nigga about the situation too? Everytime you were deep in me, I could hear you say “I love you”; knowing in my heart it wasnt true. But I continued, little by little, weining myself off of you.

Now that I am finally free of you, you call my phone for a little bit of convo. One day pass, you call again, another day pass and to my surprise its you again. Checking on me to see how I’m doing, keeping tabs on where I’m going, make me question how is she doing? Then I realize its because you are in town, and you want to come on over. Get a peak at whats going on between the sheets.

Do I look stupid to you? I know you still fucking her and in fact last time I recall, I heard the same three leave your lips for her too. If thats the case, why do you care about laying in my bed, am I some simple shone to you? Please explain to me how you think this story will play out Mr. Playboy Bunny. You hop over to her and say “I Love You” then hop in my bed and say “I Love You Too.” Against popular belief, you can’t have your cake (and ice cream) and eat it too. So for the last time please let me know, do you love me or do you love me not? Inquiring minds would like to know.

Author Unknown

Lil Wayne vs. Zeta Phi Beta Sorority Inc.

So last week I ran across this discussion on one of my so-call friend facebook update. Her and some of the ladies of Zeta Phi Beta Sorority had taken offense to a song that Lil Wayne wrote called Gonorrhea. Now I have the up most respect for the ladies of that Blue and White, but I don’t know if I agree that it was that big of a deal. Now my cohort Ms. Alyse Nicole, is a proud member of the illustrious sorority and she was pretty piss and took an immediate offense to the song. So I want to ask you my so very few but faithful followers. Do you think Lil Wayne meant to disrespect the ladies of Zeta Phi Beta Sorority or are they reading to much into it. Share you opinion by completing the pool below.

Now just in case you haven’t heard the drama filled song, the link is below as well

Lil Wayne- Gonorrhea
Gonorrhea by Lil Wayne

Changes in Life

So i’ve been dealing with the decision of making a change in my life, and this has been putting me in a mood of sadness. With the way the economy is going, and with scarcity of jobs, I am forced to look outside my current market for potential employment. I for one am not one for change, although change at time is necessary. My current job is not whats hot; the stress, lack of good benefit, and lets not even talk about the bullshit pay that I receive, has push my to face the facts and seeks employment else where. As much as I hate being a situation that is unfamiliar and uncomfortable, for me to fulfill my potential and not stay in an environment that does not nurture my growth, I gotta move.

As easy as that was to write, the actually move won’t be. I mean yeah I can pack up and head out, but to where and to whom. To another empty apartment with no real friends and an empty social calendar that consist of just work and the gym. I am just so over it. Yeah the pay will be better, but what about all the other things in life. Friends, Family, and Love. Where does all that fit in when it come to getting that paper and not having to worry about the next paycheck and how rent is going to get paid.

Man, I just don’t want to be that person that never really has a place to call home. No foundation to build anything on. Yeah I’m young with no commitments or anything holding me to the “A,” but do I really want to be the person, but at the same time, this struggling stuff is for the bird. I guess this time, my heart has to take a back seat to my mind.

Finna miss my Chi-Chi.:-(

Gym Hotties

I have become somewhat a gym fanatic. I workout about 5 to 6 times a week. Now I have my own goals I strive to achieve with my own reasons and motivations. Still it doesn’t hurt to go to the gym and receive an extra little motivation from the fine & strong men that also strive to achieve a level of physical excellence. So to all the men at LA Fitness in Tucker, GA who work out extra hard to become the next black Adonis. Thank you. For your sexiness, pushes me to reach my sexiness. Ladies the eye candy factor is unbelievable from the Trainers to the gym rats just like me. Preserving the sexy is definitely the goal of these individuals. Shout out to Lite Brite, I know I pick on you and tell you that you ain’t all that but you know you are. (Ssshhh, it our little secret)

The benefits of Skype

I had to write about this, and I might be putting myself on blast, but whatever. All I can see is, what up to the people who invited Skype with Video Calling capability. My, My, My, I sure did enjoy my morning call from my oversees boo and I’m sure he enjoyed himself as well. For anyone talking to or chilling with someone oversees or in another state, get on this Skype shit. I know IPhone has an application that allows you to see who u speaking with, but for those of us who don’t have an IPhone and don’t want to spend the money on that crap, get on Skype. Same thing but big difference the download is free. So once again shout-out to the Skype people.

-Yoshi

Can’t Be Friends (Yoshi version)

This post is inspired by Trey Songz new track

Alyse and I were talking about this song and interpreted the song title in two different ways. I was way more literal. So below is my version of “Can’t Be Friends”

I for one have never been in the situation where I’ve been intimate with a friend whose relationship was a deep as what was described in the song. But with that said, there is some one in my life that I know if we ever crossed that line and it didn’t work out, there would be no way in hell we could just be friends. Because my heart is already confused at time on whether to step to him and possibly pursue something when there’s a chance of possibly jeopardizing a great friendship. I trust him with everything about me, he has my heart regardless but if he ever hurt it, I would break. Literally shatter into pieces, so the fear of this holds me in this small dark corner and keeps us in the friendship box. Some may suggest that I take the risk and maybe it might work out, but for me the risk is just to great. Fear has over taken me and for that reason, I have decided that I rather not have him intimately than possibly never be friends.