Sexless in the City: Sex As A Weapon (Written By Lady IceBerg)

A continuance….

Yeah I’ve been hurt many a times. By the insensitive thug, the con artist pretty boy, and you know what I’m not going any further. I’ve just been hurt. Cheated on when I was loyal. Lied to when I was honest. Motivating when I was smacked to my lowest low. So, when I finally got a chance to get some get back… I was vindictive toward all men. How might you ask, how did I decide to launch a nuclear attack on the opposite sex? I decided since men have been dangling the penis for many a years… I’m going to dangle the pussy. How? Well… this is where a long list of one night stands ensue. I’m a pretty girl. So, I meet a random dude… if the sex is good I may or may not answer his phone calls. To see the phone ringing once or twice was a thrill. I got him. I thought to myself. I wouldn’t answer and he’d leave a message asking if I was okay. On to the next thrill.

There was a thrill in the orgasm… an addiction… and a thrill in the coldness after the sex. I want to call it the “don’t cuddle, just get your shit and leave because you have fulfilled your purpose” attitude. Most of my “victims” would get a blank stare in their eyes. What I failed to realize is I was the victim of my own twisted plan. Sleeping with men who obviously had girlfriends just made me think I was getting back at all the females who did the same crap to me. Sleeping with a married man… oh well! Sleeping with every tom, dick, and harry.. so what? Men have been doing it for forever. Horny after the club… invite dude to my place… randoms… if he had a 6 pack and a big dick… then I was down. I could get my back blown out and smoke a blunt and be good for 24 HOURS. Threesomes? Several!

So, what’s wrong with this picture. I’m just keeping it real. These are things that are taboo… people don’t want to discuss… what’s wrong? Well… I have slept with all of these men 37 to be exact (Yes I keep a list). This may not be a big number ladies… but this is how I think of it. I have given a piece of myself… my soul… my spirit… split between 37 random men. Pieces of myself that I can never get back. And the men have given me pieces of themselves in return. Impressions of their souls and spirits that can’t be erased. I am worth so much more than that. I had lost myself in the want to be vindictive against the world because of the pain and hurt from one or two men that I met in a small town with a small mentality. Lost myself in a wall of sex and nothingness. And when I finally wanted intimacy. Finally tasted what making love must have tasted like… I nearly lost my mind. I had been settling for these one night stands when what I really yearned for was a whole man… but I’m not a whole woman. So, I get in a monogamous relationship. 6 months in I’m back to my old ways. I think, this is too good to be true… he has to mess up. I take a good man… he wasn’t perfect… but he was good… and I royally fucked the situation. Cheating my little behind off… convincing the man to do some off the wall things… convincing myself to stay, not because I loved, but because of convenience. Settling for a relationship that was shattered after I was through with it. I had been bloodied and broken… I took that ugliness and purposefully attempted to do the same things that had been done to me… to this good guy. Smdh. Finally took the high road and chucked the deuces. Single again. And after all this… back on the same damn track… doing the same things and expecting a different result… that is insanity!!! Locked in a cold cycle, but the ice queen is ready to break out…



Sexless in the City: Ironically Speaking… So you call yourself a MAN?!!

Its funny, men always claim that they want a strong woman. They want someone who can hold their own and be down for them at the same time… be strong in all aspects of the word. But the truth is, a man wants a woman to be strong when it comes to everything else but weak when it comes to them. A woman who is strong in themselves and secure with themselves will never let a man just be able to shoot her a couple lines and run over her. A strong woman just isnt down for the nonsense… if you eff up, then get the eff out. Its as simple as that. A chick with a weak mind however, will take a lot more than they should just to maintain that relationship. A man doesnt have to be a genius to figure out which ones will take the nonsense and which ones wont. And honestly, they’ll go for the weak ones first and sneak off with the strong chick because they know that to a woman who’s strong in herself, they are the ones who are dispensable and definitely replaceable. A man needs that security and stability in knowing that if no one else out there wants him, he still has someone that he can come home to… whether thats where he really wants to be or not. Its like the Oedipus complex. Once they are detached from their mother, they find a suitable replacement that will share the same desire to be there through everything with them as their mother would. A WEAK WOMAN IS A INSECURE MAN’S MOST DESIRED BECAUSE IT MAKES THAT MAN LOOK EVEN STRONGER. Me, myself… I refuse to give more than what I get back which means only expect me to follow the rules that you lay down for yourself. I am not going to just be that security blanket when all else fails. Oh, and for people who know me… you can quote me on this and know that what I say is true. “In the end, I’ll never be that good girl thats gone bad. I’ll just be that good girl thats gone.” Its never good to gamble on your good thing because you just might lose… check my references and you’ll see that what I say is true. ~Mahogany

Sexless in the City: Frozen Heart (Written By and Introducing… Lady IceBerg)

I would like to introduce to you a blog written by a new addition to “Sexless in the City”, Lady Iceberg. Like I said people… Its not a Man-Bash, Its a Movement! Enjoy!

You know what? Being a woman is hard. It just hit me at 25 that having core standards is a must and standards don’t necessarily have to be material things. So, I start with the biggest issue for me. Some women are blessed enough to have a good role model of how to be a lady, be it from their mothers or other true ladies in their lives. Others learn from the music videos and the Game, how to be a lady. So, without a true definition of what it is to be a lady, the idea of standards and self love falls to the way side for the 6 pack, the 6’2, the dick size, the new home, new car, nice job, the money…. looking at all the material and physical and failing to truly look at the person. I am a victim of the lie too. I find myself quickly choosing the athletic dumb ass who can sex me physically vs. The plump intelligent brotha who can sex me mentally. This is reality. The first thing I see is the physical appeal, but I have failed to go past the physical and scratch underneath the surface and that’s where I think I have stumbled. Knowing is only half the battle. So, I know what I want based sadly from a mudded perspective of what it is to be a woman. Again, some women are blessed with a male role model that teaches them what it is to be a good man. Others have no clue, so we turn to what we know… television… to find out who we are and what we want… lost and confused basing reality on a television series… no wonder I can’t find a good man. Lol. I wouldn’t know what a good man was if he accidently ran me over in a new bmw. And then I can’t trust myself to be the good woman I want to be because I don’t even know what the definition of a good woman is. So when did I start to doubt myself? I mean, once upon a time I believed in monogamy, loyalty, honesty, and would “catch a grenade” for the man I “loved”. Well… once bitten… twice shy… thrice biting back hard as hell. Instead of stopping and reevaluating ME… I turned to the next best thing that brings me joy…. SEX!!!! To be continued…..

Sexless in the City: Succumbing to being Single

You know its funny because we always say that if youre single and having problems finding the right one then its either one of two things; either you keep dating the same type of person or theres something wrong with you. But what if its neither? I mean really, what about the ones who really have no issues, switch the game up every now and then, and still cant find that one?

So, I just finished having a conversation with “Lost in Translation” and honestly, I can say that for the most part of the last 4 years our lives have be paralleled. As ironic as it seems, I can usually predict whats about to happen with the guys I talk to based on what she is going through and vice versa. And no, we are not difficult women, nor or we complicated. But… we do have expectations. We solely and completely EXPECT a man to be a man and be straight up about the things they do. Why is that so hard to find? I don’t know.

Now, in this conversation she brought up a notion of reality that I have been really pondering about myself since the beginning of this year. Could it just be possible that its meant for some people to be single? I mean seriously. Because when you look at it… we hear everyday that a man wants his woman to be supportive, to know how to hold her own, to maintain a career and a household, to be that homie/lover/friend with a little lady in the streets and freak in the sheets. Now if Im wrong, feel free to let me know. But still, in the end, when a man actually finds that one… theres always a problem! Why claim that’s what you want when really all you want is something to complain about… a woman who aint no good and aint no good for you? Seriously! Im getting so tired of men playing victim all the while being victimizers! FEELINGS ARE NOT SOMETHING TO PLAY WITH PEOPLE!!! And honestly, who in the hell has all that damn time to waste on playing a game of little reward? Just be real!

So ladies, do you think we have come to a point where we just have to realize that for some of us that whole knight and shining armor husband with two and half kids, and a house with a white picket fence dream is just not for some of us? I mean, it’s a whole lot easier to believe and accept that fact than to actually go into some of these situations with men thinking that it actually has potential to go somewhere when in all honesty… that’s not what they want. Maybe its time for us to succumb to the idea of being single in order to save our own sanity cause honestly, it’s the desire to be with somebody that’s not only causing us to settle sometimes, but to dammit go crazy. Im tired of it myself. How about you? Maybe its time that we just accept it and keep it moving. Sexless, Satisfied, and Successful while doing it all by ourselves… is there really anything wrong with that? Im really starting to not think so….

“We get lost in the what if’s rather than the what is… Its not the four letter words like love that hurt us, it’s the three letter words like how and why that really consequent in the pain.” — Mahogany

Sexless in the City… A Taste of Mahogany. (An introduction to the other syde)

Okay, now that we are done explaining what “Sexless in the City” is truly about… let me continue by speaking on the reasons why I, myself, am “sexless in the city”.

Now, dont get me wrong. Im not about to come on here talking about how all men are dogs or how bitter I am. Believe me, the last thing I can be classified as is that “bitter black woman”. But please understand… that is solely by choice because if I was the type to allow my experiences to truly affect my view of men right now… then Id be everything from bitch, to bitter, to just being a straight up ass. So, with that said… lets move on.

First of all, I must say that I have standards. Now, my standards are not unattainable but they are strong and they are definitely immovable. That doesnt mean that I dont believe in sacrifice or compromise, but that does mean that the reason why my standard is there is because it sets the foundation for my expectation. I get so tired of people saying they have standards and as soon as the next Dick or Jane come along, they are everything but what they set as their standard. Whats so wrong about actually having a standard and sticking to it anyway? After all, if you cant stay true to my own standard then what can you stay true to? And believe me, any standard that I have set in place is only because its reflective of what I, myself, will be bringing to the table. I would never ask for more than what I have to offer anyway… people like that just dont make sense to me. But anyway… once again… moving on.

The major reason why I am SINGLE and Sexless in the City is because many people do not only lie about who they are, but they actually believe that youre dumb enough to fall for the lie. Seriously?!! Youre insulting my intelligence! Men, please understand that not ALL women are as stupid, helpless, and gullible as you believe. Now, Im not gonna act like every woman out here is the brightest bulb in the batch when it comes to having sense about a man, but hey… you win some you lose some. My girls however, we dont play that. Now, trust and believe, there a lot of us that will just sit back and let you do what you do while continuing to be that good woman to you. Why? Simply for two reasons: a good woman never lets a man turn her into something she’s not, and a good woman knows that once she leaves, the mere fact that you were the one to push her away will haunt you enough to be payback in itself. Theres nothing more gratifying than to know you were the best he ever had, and because of his own actions, he’ll never find better. Men… you do it to yourselves. Im sorry but its true and its your bad! But women like us will let you do you because that means youre digging your own grave… no need for us to dig it for you. Just know, that once you fall in six feet deep… aint nobody trying to play Captain Save Him! Now Im not saying there arent any good men out there but about 92% of them are falling short. Just being honest. Now ladies, a lot of yall need to step ya game up too but since this particular blog isnt about yall… I can only speak for myself.

Anyways, like I stated earlier… I truly believe that Im “Sexless in the City” for two reasons: most men arent real about who they are, and most men arent ready for the type of female I am because they “assume” that like a lot of chicks out here… Ill fall for the nonsense and just believe whatever. But its cool cause SINGLE right now is the definition of me——–> [S]ophisticated, [I]ntriguing, [N]uturing, [G]od-Fearing, [L]oyal, and [E]ducated. If you cant get with it, its cool cause Id rather be “Sexless” than “Settle”. But please dont get me twisted… you cant run game on someone who aint playin. It may take a minute, but eventually youll understand what Im saying. Anyways…

Stay tuned to the journey… trust me, this will be a very interesting ride as we, the ladies of Sexless in the City, allow you to take a peak into our lives and the things we are left to endure on an everyday basis. You wont want to miss out on this one…

Sexless in the City: Lost in Translation 11/22/2010

Had an interesting convo and workout tonight with one of the Black & Gold Twins. Topic of convo was one of my favorites. The dreaded “Friends with Benefit,” what does that really mean??? For me personally, I thought it meant that we, two friends, agree to mutually benefit each other sexually when needed, no attachment, but respect deserving on some level right??? Thats what you would think, but the level of disrespect and jealousy be on another level. Funny thing is that the main person pushing for it to be strictly friends with benefit and nothing more cause they ain’t trying to do all that, be the main one too catch feelings and get upset when they see you with the next. Its like dang nigga, you are not my man so calm it down, but still when we together and in the same room or if I m coming to see you, respect my presence and let the other bitches know, you already taken for the night and to vacate the premises. You will send out the pigeon signal when I’m gone. But nope its never that easy. SMH!!! Had a flashback. Anyways, Twin and I agree that these unnecessary drama is a thing of the past, we need the man attached to the penis to be a potential hubby nowadays or theres no benefit being given on any level. This might be a long drought, cause in the word of the Situation, “There’s grenades every where.”

Gotta bring this up. While at the workout spot, one of the workout buddies saw one of the Twins and was like,
Him: Yo, u know her?
Me: Ya, thats my girl.
Him:Can you put me down?
Me: hmmm… down with what?
Him: Man, with ya girl. You know I’m a good dude, tell her about me.
Me: Alright I got you.

So we proceed to the treadmill to get on that good run/sprint on that 7.0 Incline.
Me: You saw that dude talking to me when we were coming up the stairs
Twin: Yep
Me: He asked me about you
Twin: Oh ok

All of sudden, who comes walking up the stairs to have a meaningless convo about my training.
Him: You talk to my boy today?
Me: I got at him yesterday
Him: Ok cool, so he cool with everything
Me: Ya we good.
Him: When you getting back on the training?
Me: After this wedding Sunday, afterward we back on the get right torture sessions
Him: Good
Me: Look partna, I already told her you asked about her, so go ahead and talk to her
Him: But I’m shy (with a smile on the face)
Me: What the hell, nigga you played in the league and be around mad females, now your ass shy???(Do I look stupid)
Me: Yo Twin, he said you cute but he claim he shy (Yes put that nigga on blast right in front of her)
Twin: Shy??? That doesn’t work, you can’t be shy.

All of a sudden the nigga gets on a treadmill right next to my dawg and starts the convo, but puts me in the middle by saying ” Well I give “Lost in Translation”i my permission to give you my number if you want it???” Hmmm…What the hell, where they do that at?

Nigga’s got me out here doing their dirty work, but its cool, me and the Twin had a laugh about it and I called my Trainer and put his boy on blast.

Just another day of living “Sexless in the City.” Playing match maker for the masses. LOL

….. Dreaming of the middle east (:-)

next installment will be on the “other syde of me” facebook page

Sexless in the City (1st Edition)

So yesterday,my homegirl and I, codename: Redd Foxx went out on date. Yes, two women with no man in their lives had to treat each other to a movie and dinner date, because thats the only way we getting out of the house these days. It sad, but that’s life. I’m use to it, no I am not ugly or bitter or just can’t get a man, instead I’m just a single woman who has yet to meet a man who can satisfy me. Not just sexually but Intellectually and emotionally. Some have tried, hearts have been broken, lies have been told, circumstances have developed, and forgiveness have come and gone. Yet still I remain. I use to have an awkward relationship with LOVE, in fact the two of us couldn’t stand to be in the same room together. The sight of LOVE made me sick to my stomach, cause to me LOVE was just an excuse for all the bullshit, lies, and hurt people cause each other. It took some time but LOVE showed me that it never wanted to hurt me or make me cry, but just wanted to be a best friend to me. Just wanted to show me that there is more to love than just pain and heartache.

Anyways we are getting off topic, while we were out having dinner and talking about relationship or lack there of, I joked about starting my own blog section called “Sexless in the City.” The purpose of this little blog is to talk about how I and few of my friends are living sexless in the city. Yes no sex and if we are having sex, its just horrible. You heard me right, its just horrible, good dick is just had to come by these day. So I for one, have decided to rid myself of this sad topic and pursue an endeavor of going sexless in the city, now ll my friends have not made this drastic decision with me, but believe me the drought is on. So in the first edition of sexless in the city, I will take the time to introduce my girls, and allow you a chance to enter into the lives of women living sexless in the city.

Code Names:

First up is me, just call me “Lost in Translation”

Second up is my down south bajan “Mahogany”

Third up is my sexy mistress “Redd Foxx”

And last but not least is the saint-i-fied “Black N Gold Twins”

….and we are living sexless in the city. Now don’t take this blog as a man bashing blog or a bunch of woman complaining bout how their sex lives sucks, instead take as open-ended book with twist and turns, advices, real discussion, and opinions from many different view points. Stay Tune, I think its going to be fun.

“Confessions of a Broken Heart”

Snippets from “Confessions of a Broken Heart” by Alyse Nicole

-Everything was great and I saw a future for the both us, together. I was ready to love unconditionally and with everything I had. I went out my way to take care of him when he was sick. I would work all day and rush to his place to see him. I was cooking five course meals for him, lending him my car when his was in the shop, helping him get back in school, babysitting his nephew with him; it was as if we were our own little family. But I guess that was not going to last long. The month it ended, just sneaked up on me. We went from this happy little duo to this distant lost friendship. Like most men, especially island men, he shut down emotionally. Something was going on in his personal life, and unlike me, he didn’t feel the need to share. Now this pissed me off, because I don’t wear my heart on my sleeve and he knew that, but he would always push me to say what I was feeling and to open up to him, but when it came to him the same rules did not apply. He would brush me off and tell me that he needed time. Now I am not a clingy girl and if you tell me to give you space and tell me to let you figure some stuff off that is what I will do. I will text you something encouraging and tell you “I’m thinking of you,” but you will get your space. And just like that, it took just weeks to no longer exist in his world.

-I was finally able to find love, when I found religion and spirituality for myself. I always had God in my life, but it was something my mom gave me and not something I did for myself. Through this I learned my concept of what love should be. Love should be unconditional, honest, trusting, forgiving, and worth the wait. Love is not something that one day disappears, it might change in content, but it still remains. As I grew up and matured into a woman, I came to a conclusion, my deepest fear in life would be to have found success, but to have never found loved. I was never the one to want to have kids or throw a big wedding, live in a big fancy house or travel every corner of the world. I just wanted to be happy, live my life to the fullest, to never go without, and to have “Love” in my life. That is all.

-Now I was always the girl who told my friends to never settle, but after a while I started too. Along the way I started falling for him, I guess I got comfortable with my situation. It was like I was playing house. I went to work and school, came home, cooked, watch tv with him, and then we would go to bed. It was routine. But I guess this started getting to him and his manhood was uncomfortable with the situation. All of a sudden, we were constantly getting into arguments about me being faithful/loyal and how he knew I could do better and that I was trying to talk to other guys. I was like “don’t put your insecurities on me.” But he did, and shit like that irritates me, having the same arguments all the time, is just stupid and annoying. But we were still together, months went by and arguments happen. I was paying for everything, because he still had no job. So I was paying my bills and his bills, putting gas in the car so he could drive and still pay for me to take the train. Now that I look back at it, I want to slap myself silly.


How important is sex to a relationship???

I am going to be blunt and straight up!!!

I love sex, I enjoy sex, sex is GOOOOD!!! If I could get it at least twice a day, I think life and all its problem with be irrelevent. With that said, could you remain faithful in a relationship where the sex is boring and unadventurous? Does the personality of a person really make up for what they are lacking between the sheets? Or is it on the person that is dissatisfied in the bedroom to inform the other person and help guide them on how they can help make sex between you two better?

Whats your taughts on this matter? Please be honest…

Dialogue about the “Why you can’t make a black woman happy video”

Earlier today while at work (not actually working) I came across a video on the web. I stopped to watch the video because of the interesting title “Why You Can’t Make A Black Woman Happy [Video].” I must admit that while watching the video, I laughed and chuckled a bit, because majority of the things discussed and said was true in so many, but it posed me to ask a question as well. Please click on the link to view the video and let me know what you think. My thoughts are below as well. Smooches.

Link to video below
Why You Can’t Make A Black Woman Happy-Link