Sexless in the City: Sex As A Weapon (Written By Lady IceBerg)

A continuance….

Yeah I’ve been hurt many a times. By the insensitive thug, the con artist pretty boy, and you know what I’m not going any further. I’ve just been hurt. Cheated on when I was loyal. Lied to when I was honest. Motivating when I was smacked to my lowest low. So, when I finally got a chance to get some get back… I was vindictive toward all men. How might you ask, how did I decide to launch a nuclear attack on the opposite sex? I decided since men have been dangling the penis for many a years… I’m going to dangle the pussy. How? Well… this is where a long list of one night stands ensue. I’m a pretty girl. So, I meet a random dude… if the sex is good I may or may not answer his phone calls. To see the phone ringing once or twice was a thrill. I got him. I thought to myself. I wouldn’t answer and he’d leave a message asking if I was okay. On to the next thrill.

There was a thrill in the orgasm… an addiction… and a thrill in the coldness after the sex. I want to call it the “don’t cuddle, just get your shit and leave because you have fulfilled your purpose” attitude. Most of my “victims” would get a blank stare in their eyes. What I failed to realize is I was the victim of my own twisted plan. Sleeping with men who obviously had girlfriends just made me think I was getting back at all the females who did the same crap to me. Sleeping with a married man… oh well! Sleeping with every tom, dick, and harry.. so what? Men have been doing it for forever. Horny after the club… invite dude to my place… randoms… if he had a 6 pack and a big dick… then I was down. I could get my back blown out and smoke a blunt and be good for 24 HOURS. Threesomes? Several!

So, what’s wrong with this picture. I’m just keeping it real. These are things that are taboo… people don’t want to discuss… what’s wrong? Well… I have slept with all of these men 37 to be exact (Yes I keep a list). This may not be a big number ladies… but this is how I think of it. I have given a piece of myself… my soul… my spirit… split between 37 random men. Pieces of myself that I can never get back. And the men have given me pieces of themselves in return. Impressions of their souls and spirits that can’t be erased. I am worth so much more than that. I had lost myself in the want to be vindictive against the world because of the pain and hurt from one or two men that I met in a small town with a small mentality. Lost myself in a wall of sex and nothingness. And when I finally wanted intimacy. Finally tasted what making love must have tasted like… I nearly lost my mind. I had been settling for these one night stands when what I really yearned for was a whole man… but I’m not a whole woman. So, I get in a monogamous relationship. 6 months in I’m back to my old ways. I think, this is too good to be true… he has to mess up. I take a good man… he wasn’t perfect… but he was good… and I royally fucked the situation. Cheating my little behind off… convincing the man to do some off the wall things… convincing myself to stay, not because I loved, but because of convenience. Settling for a relationship that was shattered after I was through with it. I had been bloodied and broken… I took that ugliness and purposefully attempted to do the same things that had been done to me… to this good guy. Smdh. Finally took the high road and chucked the deuces. Single again. And after all this… back on the same damn track… doing the same things and expecting a different result… that is insanity!!! Locked in a cold cycle, but the ice queen is ready to break out…



About The Other Syde of Me
Welcome to the home of the The Other Syde of Me Blog. The Other Syde of Me, is the blogging site of two higherly educated and never to be underestimated divas from the South. Friends, SISTUHS, Co-Signer/ Co-Defendants, Accomplices, Ying and Yang, are just a few of the words you can use to describe the bond between the two. In order to know one, you must know the other, without both pieces, the picture will never be clear. Living parallel lives but differing in view points, travel into the drama that this two call life. The First Chapter begins....

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