“Confessions of a Broken Heart”

Snippets from “Confessions of a Broken Heart” by Alyse Nicole

-Everything was great and I saw a future for the both us, together. I was ready to love unconditionally and with everything I had. I went out my way to take care of him when he was sick. I would work all day and rush to his place to see him. I was cooking five course meals for him, lending him my car when his was in the shop, helping him get back in school, babysitting his nephew with him; it was as if we were our own little family. But I guess that was not going to last long. The month it ended, just sneaked up on me. We went from this happy little duo to this distant lost friendship. Like most men, especially island men, he shut down emotionally. Something was going on in his personal life, and unlike me, he didn’t feel the need to share. Now this pissed me off, because I don’t wear my heart on my sleeve and he knew that, but he would always push me to say what I was feeling and to open up to him, but when it came to him the same rules did not apply. He would brush me off and tell me that he needed time. Now I am not a clingy girl and if you tell me to give you space and tell me to let you figure some stuff off that is what I will do. I will text you something encouraging and tell you “I’m thinking of you,” but you will get your space. And just like that, it took just weeks to no longer exist in his world.

-I was finally able to find love, when I found religion and spirituality for myself. I always had God in my life, but it was something my mom gave me and not something I did for myself. Through this I learned my concept of what love should be. Love should be unconditional, honest, trusting, forgiving, and worth the wait. Love is not something that one day disappears, it might change in content, but it still remains. As I grew up and matured into a woman, I came to a conclusion, my deepest fear in life would be to have found success, but to have never found loved. I was never the one to want to have kids or throw a big wedding, live in a big fancy house or travel every corner of the world. I just wanted to be happy, live my life to the fullest, to never go without, and to have “Love” in my life. That is all.

-Now I was always the girl who told my friends to never settle, but after a while I started too. Along the way I started falling for him, I guess I got comfortable with my situation. It was like I was playing house. I went to work and school, came home, cooked, watch tv with him, and then we would go to bed. It was routine. But I guess this started getting to him and his manhood was uncomfortable with the situation. All of a sudden, we were constantly getting into arguments about me being faithful/loyal and how he knew I could do better and that I was trying to talk to other guys. I was like “don’t put your insecurities on me.” But he did, and shit like that irritates me, having the same arguments all the time, is just stupid and annoying. But we were still together, months went by and arguments happen. I was paying for everything, because he still had no job. So I was paying my bills and his bills, putting gas in the car so he could drive and still pay for me to take the train. Now that I look back at it, I want to slap myself silly.



About The Other Syde of Me
Welcome to the home of the The Other Syde of Me Blog. The Other Syde of Me, is the blogging site of two higherly educated and never to be underestimated divas from the South. Friends, SISTUHS, Co-Signer/ Co-Defendants, Accomplices, Ying and Yang, are just a few of the words you can use to describe the bond between the two. In order to know one, you must know the other, without both pieces, the picture will never be clear. Living parallel lives but differing in view points, travel into the drama that this two call life. The First Chapter begins....

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